Am I actually Invited ????

Am i Actually invited ?
All the while i thought i was
til the day comes, and proved that I just lead my understanding
Sounds nice when they invited
Sounds nice when laugh at thier jokes
Sounds nice they welcome you
That is all by sound..
Once open ur eyes, you see the truth of it.
look at the mirror ...
what do u see ?
I guess.. i see a pathetic face
Yes, i do .. is a pathetic face appeared
Looking up to the sky
I see stars laughing at me.
Look at the moon, Moon?
I dun see moon .. moon hide away from me
Left the place..
wondering, what is the purpose for me to join?
Come on .. U are way too old for them
Thought we are friends, I thought so .
Guess.. is just a monitor, one way response
Forget bout the funs, overaged
Forget bout those talk use to have
is gone, gone forever to a place i never able to reach
Mamak talk, lame jokes, mamak games
That all fade into history
Look into mirror again, realise it
Those days are just sweet memories
Friends ?
Friends, a familiar name, a word that i used before
Friends are not suppose to be cherrish
I used to not agree with it, but ..
I guess, i got no choice to agree with it.
What I have done till i deserve this ?
Guess, like what ppl said,
I am weird
I am a very negative thinking person
Is not what i want
Is not what i want to be
Is just a plain acting
I am just a 2 face person
Forever and ever want to be happy, so that everyone around me feels it
Someone told me so ..
Guess, there is something wrong to me
Life ?
I start getting bored to play this game
Is getting meaningless
I lose the game
Game Over it said
Spending the tokens are not worth it
Shall I restart the game ?
The game of life...
I want to start all over again
From the top...
Well, lets restart the game ..
Game of life..

Happy Birthday Rachy !

HAppy BIrTHdaY RAchel !! =P or Rachy mua lil sis !! dats me ur bro who call u dat name !
Hmm .. cant give u pressie or belanja u makan yet .. so .. Me .. will sing a bday song for u! Eh .. i dun simply sing song for ppl wan wei .. hehehe

Harppi Burpdai to ew ..
HApy Burpday to u ...
Happy Birthday to Rachieeeee ~~~~
harpy Bifday to ew ~ ~~ ~ (william Hung style >:P )

Hahaha is ur bday so i dun mention anything bad =D hehehe at least not in mua blog as well .. not goin to mention any unhappy thing .. hehehhhe. Hmm ...
Talking bout Rachy .. Noe her since she is 14 .. and now she is .. erm =P dun think she will want ppl to noe neway . .but i noe her for some time . yeah .. from last time the lil gal till now the pretty lady. =) The 1st person that i take as pet sis .. and now really sayang .. =) take it as my real sis.

hehe Alrite .. will stop here 1st .. One last time ! HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHY !

Zone Prayer Meeting ?

May left me a huge big question mark since last week .. sudd she send me a msg "Hope to see you next thursday" .. and there she go offline. The 1st reaction i did when i saw that msg is "What ?! " I dint even noe whats goin on till i ask Michelle, which she told me is just a zone prayer meeting.

Esther told me there is no zone prayer meeting tmr, and i thought May just make a mistake. Somehow .. i was so wrong, was doin the video editing half way in coll, around 1.23 ? Esther called me and ask me bout .. am i goin to Assunta for the practice or rehearse of the upcoming Assunta Rally. Hmm .. that mean there is no zone prayer meeting, but there is still some sort of stuff goin on in Assunta. Hmm .. neway .. i did make myself to there.

Turn up the turning to Assunta school and met the bunch of the CHS'ers .. =P gave them a shock i guess .. Neway .. Good thing i met them, if not i really duno where to go. =P duno wats da gal's name that lead us the way to the class and canteen .. Rachel wong i guess .. if i not mistaken that is her name tag that i saw. =) Not supprise to saw Veronica was there as well, and not to froget the blur May i mention >=P. They lead us the way to canteen, and Ming really eat alot .. i mean ALOT ! But somehow, haf to admit the food there not that erm .. tasty .. and some of them is kinda expensive. Even a cup of ice cost 20cents .. urgh ... Not even my coll want us to pay for that.

CHS CF'ers perform the mime that they haf it last year Easter Rally in CHS. Talking bout experience.. np to them. *winks* The Amanians (Sri Aman) perform a dance .. a famous song .. but i cant recall where i heard it from. If not mistaken is from WOW Worship 2001. A very nice song. Nice Ballet dance as well. Then .. missed up the Sea Ppl performance (Tmn Sea). I was out to fetch Fiona, Ivan, Clement, Janey and Ming back to CHS. But i heard they perform a mime as well, which the CHS Cf'ers perform it 2 years ago ..the Amazing Love. Assuntarian, with the lead of Carmen, perform Who is in the House, dance from AFC. Sorry to Veronica and Carmen .. is really a mess, but the effort is what i haf to salute them, not a easy dance neway. But according to what Carmen said, those ppl who really noe how to dance can't make it .. hehe so i guess is suppose to be a much more better wan.

Stuck at guard house after i make a return back to Assunta after drop them at CHS. =( The guard is so garang and she scolded me... she kinda dun trust watever i said .. even i told her, if she dun believe she can follow me to the hall, yet she insist. Neway .. when she start scolding me .. May sudd appear and explain everything to her... i guess May got scolded as well. Somehow .. is plain misunderstanding. Thanks May !! If not i really dunno how long i gonna stuck at the guard house explaining.

Hmm .. Lydia and Lyvia ..the twin sisters . Heard bout their stories for 2 years or more .. and now finally i get to know who are they.. but somehow, they dunno who am i .. obviously.. But, they are not those I heard from.. at least .. i dun feel it at all.

I Will Praise You !

Zone Prayer Meeting tmr at Assunta .. should i go ??? Bleeh .. 1st thing .. i dun even noe where is the time and actual venue. May invited me .. did she actually noe that i graduated long time ago ?? I guess she noes .. or .. maybe not, who noes ? she look blur neway =P *Looks around .. hmm ..no assuntarian .. bleeh !!! *

Looking at mua assingments .. headache .. argh ! Rohaini and Alicia and Mr Seow Assingments .. kinda lazy to do, at least mua takde mood by now. So .. come here and type type abit ..then maybe cont the work later on. =P Maybe .. hehe wont be sleeping too late tonite tho .. got Big Match later .. yes .. I mean BIG MATCH .. The MU goin to take on the Blues .. stupid ROman's ARmy .. hope the Red Devil will snipe them down instead.

Tmr haf to go coll early in the morning .. hopefull at 9 .. need to rush the video ASAP .. running out of HDD .. really dunno how to work it on .. extremely tired to cut short all those video. The HDD is the biggest prob i having now. ARGH ! I NEED A Extr@ 40GB HDD !! I adi used up 55GB of HDD. So peeps .. dun ask me SEND u the whole original video .. i will ask u to give me at least 60GB HDD. If u ask me send thru msn .. i will look at u O.o .. try to imagine how long u need to get it all done .. perhaps N ages.

Well .. ciao for now .. hahahha goin to do mua work.

LOL!! Post coz nothing to do

MSN down once again ! woooohoooo ! There it goes again .. M$ stuff ..watelse do u expect from ? But neway .. I still got mua ICQ and Yahoo! Messenger as backup all the while. =) peeeps .. dun alwiz trust on the stupiak MSN. Try using back ur ICQ and Ym .. both of this never down.

~*~

I still down with cough and .. abit flu I guess. .haha no idea, hope i can get rid of my cough ASAP .. coz is adi 2 months i on and off with sickness..

Friday, Sat and Sunday .. 3 days of holidays for me. Friday got some sort of camp meeting thingy .. and yet go to SS2 BK to farewell with Kiang Hong .. another fren left to Aussie. Back around 4pm .. terrible headache at Bandar Utama. Go out after back .. to NAZA .. and sat in the brand new RX-8 and Mitsubishi Evo 8. Cant believe that Evo 8 is around 230k .. is cheaper than wat i tought of.

Saturday .. Was suppose to go coll to get the video edit .. but end up .. i cant woke up at all ..terrible headache .. my head is like cracking into half of it. Get some panadol and start sleeping again. Woke up at 2.. and out for lunch with mom .. and go to Church. 3 weeks straight to Church .. and mom never make noise .. kewl rite ? Was kinda regret that i never go out for the kind healing service. Which i having backache .. since the day i fell from chair.

Sunday .. wat did i do today neway ? Hm.. oooh ... to NAZA again .. and take a look at the Citra. ANd dad looks interested in NAZA Ria. =D ha ! 10 seater car !! =P is nice for me to drive around and can pick more ppl up. That is when my dad gets it.

Haha alrite .. guess i really bored and nothing to do .. onli blasting with my ATP3 .. hmmm nice speaker ..at least i never waste all my money on this stuff.

Church !!

*Sobs* I really kenot believe to the things i have done .. I .. I .. I was in church ! I go there alone by myself !! And .. i lost my way tho .. paiseH! I noe i already not my 1st time in RLC .. and yet i still can lost my way.

After 2 years ? Finally i take a step back to church, dat doesnt mean i run away from church K ? Is just my mom making tons of noise for me goin to church, she really having bad impression against Christianity. So .. after few years, i take a sTep of faith by stepping back into a church that is at least nearer to my house. Is alwiz nice to go back to church .. what is my next step ? Cg ? No idea..

I Takin a step of faith
He does accept a baby step
As long as I have kept His word inside

But JC knows that i must grow

and tells me that I must go ahead and try
Well, alrite, ok, I guess it's up up and away.
I'm takin a step, takin a step on faith
walkin out on the promises God made

Went to Party at Elena's straight after the chit chat and the pool session with Cow, Suan Aik, Kryz and Jian Sheng. Reach there exact 8.30 like wat i had promised to Phoebe. Meet Elena, John, Albert, Syefri, Yvonne, Aznin and not to forget da Giant Shaz. =) I guess that is who I noe earlier. WEll .. is a bday for 4 person .. and yet i start getting noe more ppl later on .. Fasrina, Fariz, Ed and Eugene, 1 more guy i kinda forget his name *oops*. Basically .. just plain eating . and chit chatting and walk around .. all the way till 1.30am. Played DareDevil. No comment on that game.

Someone left the brand new Motorola V3 behind .. Is the Moto V3 ! Man ... i cant believe it someone can just forget bout the phone ?? And the phone is near to 3k .. as wat Albert told me .. "Welcome to Subang"

WEnt back very late .. or perhaps .. early in the morning. Well .. tonite this party really makes me .. abit sick ? well .. i see more things .. guess... this is how ppl felt when they grown up.... But somehow, i wont do things that is against my religion .. I rather be a loser, and yet not a fool in my life.

:: Listening to : Set your Eyes to Zion - POD ::

Future ? i see midst ..

As usual .. doing some serious thinking, and yet, leads me to the moody i having now. Looking at my future, I dun think i see any light, i see darkness, i see fear .. i see lonliness..

My course end soon, real soon and it will be the time for me to move on to next stage. What I had study previously is all wasted, TOTAL WASTE ! IS not wat i want ! IS not wat i like ! I fail to pass few subjects, and yet, I having financial prob which cause me never take the last resit before my date line. And now, I will never get my cert ..

I've cried when i talking to my pet sis .. rachel, i pretend to be nothing at all ... i pretend to be happy. But wat is playing all the while, is my depression. I not good in studies at all, besides I really weak in it. I got something that at least i like abit. Is wat i study now, Multimedia. But think properly... what i plan to do next time, there is no connection to what i've study now. Have I make a wrong move ? Have i choose the wrong road ? i doubt so..

Stressful life, mom giving tons of pressure. All my mom think is bout money, whenever she reminds me bout it .. i feel like screaming over and over again. Goin overseas.. yeah .. part of my plan. The main reason is not study.. the main reason is just plain run away from home, get away from parents for a long period of time. I really need sometime to think what i want to be, what i want to work as. Is kinda late to think now. But i want to .. i want to figure all over again, i want to restart the game of life. Is a completely chaos by now. I feel lost .. really lost .. just like wat rachy told me .. "I've lost, seriously, I do not know what to do next" ..

Yeah .. Same do I .. ur big bro here .. lost his way as well ... What is the purpose I living in this world ? What is the purpose i study this course ? This sub ? God .. tell me .. .. HAve i take the wrong road ? God .. pls show me .. give me a sign .. pls send a butterfly.

Boo !

=) those are the pics we took yesterday .. thansk alot to Chia Pei and Cherrie my dear sis who send me those pics . =D Really having tons of fun yesterday .

Buddies 4evaaa !

Benjamin_ET

Both my lil sis =)

Benjamin_ET

Chia Pei and meeeee !!!!

Benjamin_ET

Taken in Waffel World =) . Chia Pei who is leaving soon to aussie

Benjamin_ET

The Bro and Sis having pics together =D

Benjamin_ET

Eek.. Cherrie, my another sis .. she . she grins !

Benjamin_ET

Bleeh .. Rachel .. my sis and me =)

Benjamin_ET

Happy DAy ! Wooot !

*Yawns ... * Super tired .. and veri de sleepy .. was out today .. to Pyramid. A small gathering for Chia Pei who is leaving on the 12th .. which is .. soon .. very soon.

Cherrie .. Rachel .. Chia Pei and me was there.. the plan was dat close to cancel. But thank God that actually make Chia Pei able to make it and same to Cherrie who having the parents prob earlier. But all of us can make it toooday ! WoooHOO!! *dance around*

=P as usual .. all of them come into my car .. haha but i pick Rachy up from JS .. dat dota queen =7 she and her dotA la .. even her gor here also blur at the dotA ..and she can played more than me . But newya ..today cekik her kao kao in SP =P. Eh .. my mui k .. sure can bully wan =D.

Take lunch at Waffle House .. go scout around for the frenship band .. scout for Chia Pei's backpack .. take picture with camera .. and .. PURIKURA ! for those dat noe me .. should noe that i actually freak out with the purikura thingy ..hate to see myself in it .. and yet .. today .. i guess i start overcome my fear thru it. No more shivering dat much =D.

Hehehe u noe wat .. there is tons of laughter happen in waffle world. When the waiter serves the drinks .. Chia Pei got herself a coke or pepsi that is without ais.. and when the drink comes .. and Cherrie said :" wah Kopi o ! " and the waiter just stunt and laugh at there. =P guess is rare dat ppl order kopi there neway. I got myself totall strawberry. My Waffle with slice strawberry, strawberry flavour ice-cream .. and i having strawberry milk shake =P. We start adding abit of our drink to each cup. =P

Hehehe now my car is hanging 2 stuff .. the Cross necklace that Rachy .. my sis gave me .. and also the frenship band. Looking at this 2 stuff .. will alwiz remind me bout them =D teman me drive around .. fetching ppl .. hehehhe . Really nice to hang around with my sis .. =P now only i realise .. we really like bro and sis . and .. Cherrie and rachy together really can make lots of jokes. =) never get tired to hang around with them.

Target Set !

Hmm .. starting new year .. got flash back. And now is time to Set my own target for the year . Dun really noe wat i goin to do .. so just set a plain and simple target 1st.

Look back last year. I dun think i socialise enuff, yet .. i really need to noe more ppl in this year. At least 50 ppl for this year. Yeha ..at least .. thats the most min. Last year .. i guess i noe around 30 over ppl ? or more .. no idea. But in a way to be success in next time working, i first need to improve my social skill.

2nd thing.. yeah .. last year in Cf ... dun think i will change my mind to stay on and help u guys up .. really sorry. I will leave Cf after the current batch committees step down. I been back for 2 years .. this is my 3rd year. The purpose is to help Cf .. not for certain person. I have do my best to help out the camp, and .. yeah .. is really tired during and before the camp. BUt somehow .. hardwork paid off.
So .. tis year .. I will cont to help as much as i can by now. I want to leave the Cf again .. and this time without any regrets.

3rd thing .. Get back to God ..as close as i can, for i have left Him .. go far from Him. I focus back on God .. kinda late last year. And .. this year i need to focus on Him for the whole year.

hmm .. cant think bout the others by now .. will stop here 1st .. still coughing neway .. ciao peeps

Flash back ..

Comes to the new year by now, bye 2004 and welcome 2005. Cross into the new year with the heart full of sadness .. Tsunami did a big impact to the worldwide nation. Leaving a painful memory and scar in everyone's heart. more than 122,000 ppl been killed in the Tsunami Tidal Wave.

May the Good Lord Bless the New Year 2005. God Never send the Tsunami wave.

Flash back ..

Come to the new year, and is kinda must for me to flash back on wat i have done for the whole year. Basically is just plain studies .. busy with tons of assignments, was away from God .. far far away from God .. and yet .. after some times .. i back to God .. and i never felt so close to Him.

March to the middle of the year, was become super active in Cf. God make me back to Cf. I was thinking .. God .. i wont be dat free. And end up every single time .. when Cf ask for my help, there is none of the time i actually busy, even when i got class .. the class will just canceled or end early. That make me fully trust. God's will.. His plan for me. Finally I got His plan.

Thanks to the Plot of land that pulled me closer to each of the member of the Cf. From the Plot of land, I started to know Liz, Kryz, Tian An more well. Not just 3 of them, but more ppl. THose who actually try to help. But neway, that land is seriously a failure land. In my life back to LAS, i work so hard to get it fix .. yet .. it never been fix until this day. But .. the land has been passed to some class.

On my bday month .. was so touch with the small lil celebrate from Cf peeps . Gave me a card .. gave me a book. I was nearly cried. No one actually can remember my bday dat well .. and yet .. until now .. i live up with a life that no one care bout my bday. and i dun even bother anyone remember or not. Here i want to say . Thanks alot peeps ..the greatest present is havin all of u in my life. The greatest treasure is that God make me noe u all.

The coming months .. lots of planning been done. Even i got chased out from school .. sigh .. nvm .. the most remarkable .. is the camp. Start planning early .. but get things done very late.. even until end of august .. then only start get things sort out. So sorry everyone if dat meeting i actually hurt some of u .. or maybe all . Just kinda .. dissapointed dat time. Somehow ..spend some time to look for a place .. spend a day drove to Jungle Lodge .. then we set the place there. Got our theme done. and we are marching towards the success.

As wat i told esther b4. i still clearly remember it . "Esther, u noe wat .. i got a feeling that this camp will be a very success wan.. i can sense it .. " Well .. i do sense it. I think God really bring all of us a good challenge. We come together .. pray everyday. Even during holidays we got our meeting. The number of ppl that join .. from the few ppl .. become 40 over ppl . The camp fee.. and everything. And .. the camp .. is a success wan. At least everyone enjoy it. Thank God.

Planet Shakers concert... miss out the 1st day .. and went to the 2nd and last day. Hyper with it . they came, they sang, we dance, they shake the place down. We keep the fire burning wild till the camp. It was a good concert. miss it alot.

Really thank to everyone that work with me through the whole year. Sorry if I hurt u guys. And sorry for those mistake i haf done. I really thank God that i have my junior with me .. Junior ..the Black Kembara which travel up and down fot the whole year. fetch more than 200 ppl for the whole year.

God will never ask wat car u drive... God will ask u .. how many person u helped for those need transport.

Junior alwiz fill up with lots of ppl in car. Full loading all the while. For Cf .. for everyone dat need help. Junior alwiz there with me . to help u all.

well .. as usual ..still sick . i alwiz haf the sickness of the year. Ciao for now. Will post more reflects when i get better

God Bless .. Calling From MArs .. Peace on Earth